BLINDS VS SHUTTERS: Blinds, You're a Shady Character... and now SO 2023!

Dear Ms. Blinds,

Whilst I admire your effort (your sleek lines, the way you filter light through your narrow slats etc, etc), I write this letter to warn you that, unfortunately for you, I am taking over the public's homes again. I am sure this comes as no surprise to you due to my strength, easy maintenance and enduring presence against the frame.

Since you overtook Mr. Curtains, you've had a good run. But I'm back now, offering more choices than ever, and you can step down knowing that I stand solid and unwavering. My manifesto includes wood, vinyl, and composite, designed to last through every season, while your thin blades can bend, and snap, and - frankly, my dear - fault under pressure.

In the sun, I offer refuge, tilting my wide louvers to control the light, precisely and evenly, shielding interiors from glare and prying eyes.

Unlike you, I fit snugly, embracing the window, insulating against winter's chill, and against summer's swelter, helping homes breathe easier, whilst also cutting energy costs, and providing complete darkness when it is desired.

My maintenance is minimal; a swift wipe and I’m clean, while your many pieces have proven to collect dust, and require patience to maintain.

You can trust me to uphold privacy, and act as a barrier, strong and firm, to boost security.

Since the beginning, I have proven elegance is my essence. If I do say so myself (not that I need to because others have said it for me), I am a touch of timeless beauty in classic hues and rich finishes. Since I adapted to suit both modern and traditional homes, I am afraid, Ms. Blinds, you should quit now while you're no longer ahead.

As an investment in a home’s value, a mark of thoughtful choice reflecting a premium price, I stand as a testament to both resilience and to style.

For that reason, I await your resignation letter post haste,

Your Colleague and Friend,

Mr. Shutters